


One Time Only

by for_the_love_of_wolves



Category: Jojo Rabbit (2019)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Character Death, M/M, Pining, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22886119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/for_the_love_of_wolves/pseuds/for_the_love_of_wolves
Summary: Klenzendorf knows this is the end. He knows he should have done more.***~ Klenzendorf watches Freddy’s long elegant fingers moving and he’s transfixed. Freddy is good at this. He is good at sewing, at cooking, at dancing, at telling kids what to do, at cleaning a wound, at … He’s good.Klenzendorf is good at nothing but fighting, yelling, drinking – and being a fuck up.Cheers to that, he thinks and takes another bitter sip out of his flask. ~
Relationships: Freddy Finkel/Captain Klenzendorf
Comments: 12
Kudos: 84





	One Time Only

Freddy scrunches his nose. It looks adorable. He looks between the drawing and the uniform, shaking his head. Biting his – stupid perfect – lip. “I don’t know.”

Klenzendorf takes a huge sip out his flask. The liquid is hot and bitter on his tongue. “It’s perfect,” he mumbles, his throat burning and his eyes watering. “It’s how I wanted it to be.”

Freddie’s ears blush the slightest pink and he quickly turns back to the uniform, taking the needle and moving it through the rough fabric, quick and sure. 

Klenzendorf watches him working, sitting on the edge of his desk. He feels … calm. Calmer than he has been in the last few years. It’s going to be over soon. The world is going to hell around them.

He can feel it. The air is vibrating. The ground is pulsating.

He can hear it. The explosions are coming closer. Closer.

Klenzendorf watches Freddy’s long elegant fingers moving and he’s transfixed. Freddy is good at this. He is good at sewing, at cooking, at dancing, at telling kids what to do, at cleaning a wound, at … He’s good.

Klenzendorf is good at nothing but fighting, yelling, drinking – and being a fuck up.

Cheers to that, he thinks and takes another bitter sip out of his flask.

* * *

_It’s too late to hate himself. He does it anyway, when he has enough strength to care._

_He looks at himself in the mirror, looks into his unseeing eye and hates himself._

_He hates himself for pushing Freddy away a million times, pretending he doesn’t care about the younger guy. Hates himself for telling himself that no, he doesn’t want to know how Freddy’s lips would taste. He has never wanted to feel Freddy’s hands on his back. Never wanted to hold and be held. No. No he never wanted that._

_Liar, says the reflection. Liar. Liar. **Liar.** _

_And: You should have done more._

_A lot of times, he shook his head and told himself: I did what I could! How could I have done more with this world around me? It’s the wrong time, the wrong place, the wrong country. It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault everything went to hell. It’s not my fault everything I should believe in is rotten. It’s not my fault not all these kids are going to survive._

_But close to the end, he knows._

_He should have done more._

_He's a bad person._

_On so many layers that he barely finds the little bit of good that might be hidden under them._

* * *

The uniforms are finished. The last armour they are going to wear.

Freddy gets up without a word and walks to the door. He hesitates on the doorstep, his hand already reaching for the handle.

“What is it, Finkel?” Klenzendorf asks. He starts to feel tired. He’s always tired lately.

Freddy turns around and the look on his face makes Klenzendorf wish he’d be too drunk to be awake. It’s sadness mixed with longing. It’s too much to bear. It’s a slip in the façade.

Klenzendorf stares at Freddy and suddenly, he realizes with full force, that this is it. They are going to be dead soon. Dead and gone. Just two more bodies in an ocean of lifeless puppets with cut strings. Gone.

_I should have done more._

Klenzendorf gets up with a grunt. He walks towards Freddy in a surprisingly straight line. He cups Freddy’s face in both his hands and kisses him on the lips, because screw it.

He kisses Freddy and the kiss tastes of liquor and surprise. But it’s warm. A hand hesitantly reaches out to touch his back.

A gasp. A sigh. It’s over way too soon and it was only one time.

One time only.

Gone.

Klenzendorf shoves Freddy out his office and slams the door shut.

Through the glass, he sees Freddy standing still, raising a hand to touch his lips, and he feels sick.

_Should I really have done more?  
_

* * *

_The world doesn’t want him._

_Not like he would be, if they’d let him._

_After he recovers from his injury and the loss of his eye – the world still looks ugly even when you only see half of it – he’s at a party. Someone concerned apparently thought, it would make him feel better. It doesn’t. He watches the other soldiers dancing with their girls and takes the hand of someone who has been staring at him the whole evening. He doesn’t know her name. But she smiles at him and lays her hand on his arm while they are dancing. He thinks he likes her. It’s good to talk to her._

_But he doesn’t want more._

_She realizes fast. She’s smart. She knows. Maybe._

_He sees Freddy standing at the door, with his hands shoved deeply into the pockets of his baggy trousers and somehow he knows, that these hands are clenched into fists._

_What can he – they – do?_

_They were born into this. This is their life._

_Better alive and miserable, than dead, right? Right?!_

_He dances with the girl and gets drunk later. He gives Freddy a harsh slap on his perfect arse in a dark alleyway and laughs hysterically while slipping down a wall, landing in the trash. Freddy should hate him. He should leave him there. He’s an abomination. His father would say so. If he wouldn’t have died on some battlefield, laying in bloody mud._

_But Freddy doesn’t leave him there. He helps him to get up and brings him home._

_The world doesn’t want him. Freddy still does. For some weird reason, Freddy wants him. But he can’t have him._

* * *

At least he can decide how it ends.

Klenzendorf puts on his armour and nods at himself in the mirror. Fuck them.

Freddy comes in, dressed in his own outfit and Klenzendorf freezes. He stares. Freddy stares back nervously. He added something to his cape. He added pink triangles.

Klenzendorf’s throat starts to feel tight. Freddy raises his chin a bit. He looks defiant, now.

There’s a long moment of silence. Then, Klenzendorf says quietly, “Give me one too.”

Freddy gasps.  
  


* * *

Klenzendorf sees the boy.

The boy’s standing in the middle of the chaos and he looks scared. Of course he’s scared. He’s just a kid.

Jojo. Jojo Betzler.

He stares at Klenzendorf, like he sees a ghost. Somehow, he does.

Klenzendorf smirks at him.

He really likes the boy. Jojo’s so much braver than he is. He really gave what he could. And at least, he could do something, to help him. It wasn’t enough. But … it was something.

The world shakes around them. Stones are raining down like tears. People are falling.

It’s time.

He jumps forward, and Freddy follows him.

Of course he does.

He always did.

* * *

He loses Freddy.

Klenzendorf wishes it could have been him who died first. Because he doesn’t want to live with this kind of pain. At least, he guesses he doesn’t have to live with it for long. They look at him with disgust and hatred in their eyes. And it’s alright. He’s ready.

He lost Freddy.

But he still has Freddie’s torn cape. He clings to it. He clings to it and waits.

Suddenly, Jojo is there again. He still looks scared.

Klenzendorf looks at him and remembers Jojo lost someone too. He’s a good kid. He doesn’t deserve to die here in the red mud.

The last thing he does is pushing the kid away. The boy reaches out. He calls out. “Leave him alone!”

Klenzendorf is surprised. He’s done everything wrong. He’s a fuck up. But still, there’s a kid, trying to get to him, to keep them from dragging him away. But he’s just a little weak boy and he’s carried away and Klenzendorf hopes, he’s going to make it through the last aftershocks of this mess.   
  


_Go and live._

_Go and be young._

_Go and grow up._

_Go and be yourself._

_Go and stay kind._

_Go and be a good person._

_Go._

It ends how it is supposed to do. When he falls, he still holds Freddy’s cape.


End file.
